Scumbag Analytic Philosopher Meme Generator

Christmas dinner. Your uncle says the roast potatoes are objectively the best part. Your cousin, one term into a philosophy degree, puts down his fork and says "define objectively". Pudding is delayed by forty minutes.

Your date asks if you'd like dessert. You ask what exactly is meant by "like". There is no third date, though you maintain there is one in a nearby possible world.

Your colleague rejects your proposal for "lacking rigour". His own proposal is the same one, with "prima facie" added to every paragraph. It is approved by Friday.

Your flatmate refuses to do the washing up until someone proves the dishes exist independently of his perception of them. The dishes, quite independently, have started to smell.

Why it caught on: a bearded young man adjusting a pink bow tie borrowed the Scumbag Steve treatment and aimed it at analytic philosophy, the tradition of Frege and Russell, and anyone who survived a philosophy department recognised the man with a counterexample to your counterexample.

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Best Scumbag Analytic Philosopher posts

• says continental philosophy is bad literature / spends two hours talking about zombies
• randomly inserts symbols into papers / that will make philosophy more like math, right?
• point unclear? / better change some words to italic
• mocks historians of philosophy for useless research neglecting real problems / works on mereology
• Is a fictional construct devised to make you feel superior / will still do better on the job market than you
• claims he doesn't understand your view / understands, has no clue how to object
• becomes suspicious of intuitions / Changes "intuitively" to "naturally" in all his papers
• doesn't read heidegger because of anti-semitism / reads frege
• Gives a talk on implicit biases / only takes questions from white men
• Claims to be a 'Scientific realist' / thinks language is the key to solving ontological problems
• MORALLY OUTRAGED IN ETHICS SEMINAR / MORAL NIHILIST IN METAETHICS SEMINAR
• claims there are things we can't speak of / writes about them instead
• the distribution of social advantages should be determined behind a 'veil of ignorance' / academic pedigree should determine success on the job market
• CULTURAL RELATIVIST / DEems his own society immoral
• mocks phenomenology / thinks he can intuit necessary truths
• Lacks rigor / adds "prima facie" to all his points
• waxes nostalgic about the state of nature / has never slept outside
• doesn'T belIEVE IN REASON / wRITES A PAPER TO PROVE IT
• finds devestating problem with own view / doesn't care cause it also affects the opponent
• Lives his life in pursuit of truth / flips out when a grad student questions him